In this article I look at one of the least examined and most common behavioural issues in executive leadership – avoidance.
An internet search about leaders who exhibit narcissism, leaders who are neurodiverse, or leaders’ emotional intelligence will provide you with enough reading material for a whole year. However, a similar search about leaders who are avoidant will result in considerably less material. Quite simply, the internet seems to reflect what happens in organisations, we are avoiding talking about avoidance and its detrimental impact on individual, team and organisational performance.
I often come across leaders who have risen through the ranks to senior levels of responsibility. However, their organisations feel disjointed, performance is variable, and anyone close to the leader can feel at risk. These are the warning signs of avoidance.
But what exactly is an avoidant leader?
A leader who avoids relying on others to deliver performance
They are typically strong individual performers, often able to do multiple jobs across the organisation. An excessive over reliance on their own performance subtly lessens the importance of relationships and delivery through the team. This leads to the team feeling insecure about their own performance, driving lower levels of team performance and reinforcing the need for the leader to avoid forming broad and deep relationships with ‘poor performing’ team members. Everyone gets stuck and unable to see why, despite their best efforts, that nothing seems to change.
A leader who avoids constructive feedback
When you are over reliant on your own performance it becomes increasingly hard to receive constructive criticism or feedback. Avoidant leaders initially appear to take onboard feedback and make some changes. However, the more they rely on their own performance the more threatened they feel by feedback. And when feedback will be shared with their boss, the threat state is elevated further.
What happens next is an elegant array of defences – denial (includes blaming or avoiding others), a simple avoidance, procrastination, suppression, repression, saying the feedback is really about others, numbing themselves through addiction (food, drink, over working, exercise), and distraction.
A leader who avoids a balanced perspective on others
One of our most primitive defences against a perceived threat is to blame others. The avoidant leader takes this to the extreme by holding an overly negative view of some people. They are overly critical of peers, direct reports and the people reporting into the direct reports, believing them to be untrustworthy. This negativity deflects people from seeing the avoidant leader’s low performing behaviour, it creates low levels of psychological safety and de-energizes the organisation.
A leader who avoids emotional engagement
You see this most clearly in the goal-oriented leader who is task focused. They tend to avoid emotions in the team resulting in shallow relationships and a diminished sense of team. At a human level, a leader who directly or indirectly devalues emotions is creating trauma to be experienced now and into the future.
A leader who can demonstrate vulnerability in a crisis
In a crisis, the usual coping mechanisms of the avoidant leader become overwhelmed. The need for support and connection becomes more acute and they express this to others.
However, as they open up, their ingrained habits of avoidance leave them feeling isolated, unsupported and stressed. As soon as the crisis passes, they return to their safe and familiar behaviour. However, people around them have hope that the avoidant behaviour is not all that bad as the leader did open up and show vulnerability for a short period. Unfortunately, this is a false hope that only prolongs a team experiencing an avoidant leader and the associated poor performance.
What can we do about avoidant leaders?
No one becomes an avoidant leader without good reason. It usually comes from difficulties when experiencing avoidance earlier in life. It results in a leader who is complex, multifaceted, and well defended against change. Organisations tolerate them because they are successful individual performers and technically competent. However, their ability to lead and empower their organisations to perform at their best is variable and leads to mediocrity.
But the good news is that there are a number of actions which offer hope when managing avoidant leaders within an organisation:
- Ensure that there is clear contracting with their line manager and regular reviews on progress on dealing with the avoidant behaviour. You’ll probably need your HR Director or an external coach to help you with the development planning and review process.
- Encourage the use and value of emotions at work and how they are a catalyst for higher levels of performance.
- Use phrases that show you can feel in an appropriate and safe way – e.g. ‘It seems like this is hard for you’ when avoidance is observed.
- Demonstrate compassion and acknowledge that it’s difficult for the individual to deal with avoidance.
- Resist confronting the person with data. Data rational approaches work less well with avoidance.
Eventually you will find that the avoidant leader really does want to change, grow and find new ways of giving of their best.